These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts', and are things people actually said in court, word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm (and not laughing out loud)
while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He sa id, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
_____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting' laid!
_____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
_______________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_______________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_______________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Would you like to rephrase that?
________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_______________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8 :30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an autopsy on him!
________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
________________________________________________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.
...I REST MY CASE.. :P
Friday, October 9, 2009
Why breast cancer is usually found near the armpit?
Why breast cancer is usually found near the armpit?
Some time ago, I attended a Breast Cancer Awareness seminar. I asked why the most common area for Breast Cancer was near the armpit. My question could not be answered at that time. This email was just sent to me, and I find it interesting that my question has been answered.
I challenge you all to rethink your every day use of a product that could ultimately lead to a terminal illness. As of today, I will change my usage. A friend forwarded this to me.
I showed it to a friend going through chemotherapy and she said she learned this fact in a support group recently.
I just got information from a health seminar that I would like to share.
The leading cause of breast cancer is the use of anti-perspirant.
What? A concentration of toxins which leads to cell mutations, a.k.a.CANCER.
Yes, ANTI-PERSPIRANT. Most of the products out there are an anti-perspirant /deodorant combination, so go home and check. Deodorant is fine, anti-perspirant is not.
Here's why:- The human body has a few areas that it uses to purge toxins; behind the knees, behind the ears, groin area, and armpits. The toxins are purged in the form of perspiration. Anti-perspirant, as the name clearly indicates, prevents you from perspiring, thereby inhibiting the body from purging toxins from below the armpits.
These toxins do not just magically disappear. Instead, the body deposits them in the lymph nodes below the arms since it cannot sweat them out. Nearly all breast cancer tumors occur in the upper outside quadrant of the breast area. This is precisely where the lymph nodes are located.
Additionally, men are less likely (but not completely exempt) to develop breast cancer prompted by anti- perspirant usage because most of the anti-perspirant product is caught in their hair and is not directly applied to the skin.
Women who apply anti-perspirant right after shaving increase the risk further because shaving causes almost imperceptible nicks in the skin which give the chemicals entrance into the body from the armpit area.
PLEASE share this with anyone you care about.
Breast cancer is becoming frighteningly common. This awareness may save lives.
Some time ago, I attended a Breast Cancer Awareness seminar. I asked why the most common area for Breast Cancer was near the armpit. My question could not be answered at that time. This email was just sent to me, and I find it interesting that my question has been answered.
I challenge you all to rethink your every day use of a product that could ultimately lead to a terminal illness. As of today, I will change my usage. A friend forwarded this to me.
I showed it to a friend going through chemotherapy and she said she learned this fact in a support group recently.
I just got information from a health seminar that I would like to share.
The leading cause of breast cancer is the use of anti-perspirant.
What? A concentration of toxins which leads to cell mutations, a.k.a.CANCER.
Yes, ANTI-PERSPIRANT. Most of the products out there are an anti-perspirant /deodorant combination, so go home and check. Deodorant is fine, anti-perspirant is not.
Here's why:- The human body has a few areas that it uses to purge toxins; behind the knees, behind the ears, groin area, and armpits. The toxins are purged in the form of perspiration. Anti-perspirant, as the name clearly indicates, prevents you from perspiring, thereby inhibiting the body from purging toxins from below the armpits.
These toxins do not just magically disappear. Instead, the body deposits them in the lymph nodes below the arms since it cannot sweat them out. Nearly all breast cancer tumors occur in the upper outside quadrant of the breast area. This is precisely where the lymph nodes are located.
Additionally, men are less likely (but not completely exempt) to develop breast cancer prompted by anti- perspirant usage because most of the anti-perspirant product is caught in their hair and is not directly applied to the skin.
Women who apply anti-perspirant right after shaving increase the risk further because shaving causes almost imperceptible nicks in the skin which give the chemicals entrance into the body from the armpit area.
PLEASE share this with anyone you care about.
Breast cancer is becoming frighteningly common. This awareness may save lives.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
T.G.I.F
A businessman got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
"'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, Its' Thursday.'
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
"'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, Its' Thursday.'
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
What to do when you're abducted
Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or love one's life. Because of recent abductions in daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...
This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know. After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.
1 . Tip from Tae Kwon Do :
The elbow is the strongest point on your body . If you are close enough to use it, do!
2. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM .
Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON'T DO THIS!
The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.
AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF!
Instead start the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it.
As soon as the car crashes get out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.
5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door.
Some serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle,and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back and get someone - guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. And better paranoid than dead.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, preferably in a zig -zag pattern!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP
It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathy of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
9. Another Safety Point:
Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her 'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried
that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night. Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby ----
The Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.
This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know. After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.
1 . Tip from Tae Kwon Do :
The elbow is the strongest point on your body . If you are close enough to use it, do!
2. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM .
Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON'T DO THIS!
The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.
AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF!
Instead start the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it.
As soon as the car crashes get out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.
5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door.
Some serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle,and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back and get someone - guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. And better paranoid than dead.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, preferably in a zig -zag pattern!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP
It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathy of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
9. Another Safety Point:
Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her 'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried
that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night. Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby ----
The Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.
Teknologi Buat Sosej
Ada kisah seorang anak yang diberi peluang untuk belajar di Amerika untuk dapatkan degree, tapi selepas 15 tahun, x pernah lulus, akhirnya bapak dia dah x sanggup lagi tanggung beban wang untuk anaknya itu, terpaksalah dia bawak balik ke Malaysia.
Sepanjang perjalanan dari airport ke rumah, bapaknya diam aje (marah la tu).
Si anak dah rasa x best, so dia pun cari la idea untuk berbual & tunjuk pada bapak dia yang dia kat Amerika ada gain something la dgn pekembangan teknologi. So dia ckp dgn bapak dia:
Anak: Bapak tau x, kat Amerika sekarang teknologi dah maju giler. Sekarang nak buat sosej x payah nak sembelih lembu, buang kulit, masuk je lembu dalam machine, dah jadi sosej....
Bapak: Itu teknologi dah lapuk... Kat Malaysia lagi advance. Aku 32 tahun dulu, masukkan sosej aje dah keluar lembu sekor... menyusahkan plak tu...
Wakakakakakakakakakka….
Sepanjang perjalanan dari airport ke rumah, bapaknya diam aje (marah la tu).
Si anak dah rasa x best, so dia pun cari la idea untuk berbual & tunjuk pada bapak dia yang dia kat Amerika ada gain something la dgn pekembangan teknologi. So dia ckp dgn bapak dia:
Anak: Bapak tau x, kat Amerika sekarang teknologi dah maju giler. Sekarang nak buat sosej x payah nak sembelih lembu, buang kulit, masuk je lembu dalam machine, dah jadi sosej....
Bapak: Itu teknologi dah lapuk... Kat Malaysia lagi advance. Aku 32 tahun dulu, masukkan sosej aje dah keluar lembu sekor... menyusahkan plak tu...
Wakakakakakakakakakka….
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Healthy Time Table
There are 12 important organs in our body, which will be at its peak for
two hours a day. Normal health or disease of any person depends on this factor. To lead a healthy life, one should learn one's own body functioning language.
Time Organs Remarks
Early Morning
3-5 AM LUNGS - It is good to wake up at this hour. The ozone
content in atmosphere will be more at this time, which will give a new
lease of energy if we practice breathing exercise, yogasanas and
meditation. Asthma patient cannot sleep in this time and will suffer breathlessness.
Morning
5-7 AM LARGE INTESTINE - If a person gets up in this time will not
have constipation problem. If bowel's movement and taking bath in cold water are done during this time, then he will not have any nervous debility.
7-9 AM STOMACH - Breakfast should be completed during this time.
9-11 AM SPLEEN - It is better to avoid eating. If food is taken in
this time, it will increase body temperature, tiredness will increase and
digestion power will come down. Particularly diabetic patient will
suffer from palpitation, drowsiness etc.
Noon
11-1 PM HEART- Only water can be taken at this time. One shall neither do any hard work nor sleep at this time. Otherwise more carbon-di-oxide will get mixed with oxygen and chances of getting heart attack or paralytic attack or body pain are likely. Generally doctors will be on double alert in hospitals during this time because heart and diabetic patients may get heart attack during this time compared to other hours.
Mid Day
1-3 PM SMALL INTESTINE - After taking lunch, 5 minutes of rest can be taken just by closing eyes. Sleep shall be avoided.
Afternoon
3-5 PM URINARY BLADDER - It is the right time for coffee, tea or juice etc.
Evening
5-7 PM KIDNEY - This is the time to relax from routine work otherwise renal failure or urinary infection may trouble.
Night
7-9 PM HEART WALL - Supper should have been completed during this hour. Otherwise palpitation or chest pain may arise.
Late Night
9-11 PM TEMPERATURE WARMER - This is the time to recharge the organs that worked since morning. So one shall go down to sleep and avoid reading books, watching TV or working with office files.
Mid Night
11-1 PM GALL BLADDER - One must sleep during this time otherwise
one will not have any energy for next day work.
Too early morning
1-3 AM LIVER - This is the time for deep sleep. Otherwise it will
affect eyesight and body irritation.
Living in accordance with the above listed clock of organs enhanced with
yogasanas will illuminate colour and health. This has been prescribed inYogasastra.
two hours a day. Normal health or disease of any person depends on this factor. To lead a healthy life, one should learn one's own body functioning language.
Time Organs Remarks
Early Morning
3-5 AM LUNGS - It is good to wake up at this hour. The ozone
content in atmosphere will be more at this time, which will give a new
lease of energy if we practice breathing exercise, yogasanas and
meditation. Asthma patient cannot sleep in this time and will suffer breathlessness.
Morning
5-7 AM LARGE INTESTINE - If a person gets up in this time will not
have constipation problem. If bowel's movement and taking bath in cold water are done during this time, then he will not have any nervous debility.
7-9 AM STOMACH - Breakfast should be completed during this time.
9-11 AM SPLEEN - It is better to avoid eating. If food is taken in
this time, it will increase body temperature, tiredness will increase and
digestion power will come down. Particularly diabetic patient will
suffer from palpitation, drowsiness etc.
Noon
11-1 PM HEART- Only water can be taken at this time. One shall neither do any hard work nor sleep at this time. Otherwise more carbon-di-oxide will get mixed with oxygen and chances of getting heart attack or paralytic attack or body pain are likely. Generally doctors will be on double alert in hospitals during this time because heart and diabetic patients may get heart attack during this time compared to other hours.
Mid Day
1-3 PM SMALL INTESTINE - After taking lunch, 5 minutes of rest can be taken just by closing eyes. Sleep shall be avoided.
Afternoon
3-5 PM URINARY BLADDER - It is the right time for coffee, tea or juice etc.
Evening
5-7 PM KIDNEY - This is the time to relax from routine work otherwise renal failure or urinary infection may trouble.
Night
7-9 PM HEART WALL - Supper should have been completed during this hour. Otherwise palpitation or chest pain may arise.
Late Night
9-11 PM TEMPERATURE WARMER - This is the time to recharge the organs that worked since morning. So one shall go down to sleep and avoid reading books, watching TV or working with office files.
Mid Night
11-1 PM GALL BLADDER - One must sleep during this time otherwise
one will not have any energy for next day work.
Too early morning
1-3 AM LIVER - This is the time for deep sleep. Otherwise it will
affect eyesight and body irritation.
Living in accordance with the above listed clock of organs enhanced with
yogasanas will illuminate colour and health. This has been prescribed inYogasastra.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Ayam..Kambing...Bag..
Something to brighten up your day....:)
Samy Vellu was visiting India when he fell and broke his jaw. He was unable
to speak. Being the great leader that he is, he continued his grand tour.
On the last week of his visit, the RTM crew was present for his press
conference. Although unable to speak, Samy insisted on sending a message
home to his Cabinet colleagues.
Samy caught a chicken and showed it to the camera. Next he took a goat, and
showed it to the camera. Finally he took a bag and displayed it in front of
the camera. Dr Ling was the first to see the video clip.. He said,"Samy is telling us that India has insufficient food because he showed us a chicken and a goat, and he wants Malaysia to donate bags of rice. "
Mahathir watched silently then said, "No lah....what Samy is trying to say
is HE IS COMING BACK."
The whole cabinet was puzzled and look to the old man for an explanation. Mahathir reasoned, "AYAM KAMBING BAG." ("I am coming back" in Indian accent).
Samy Vellu was visiting India when he fell and broke his jaw. He was unable
to speak. Being the great leader that he is, he continued his grand tour.
On the last week of his visit, the RTM crew was present for his press
conference. Although unable to speak, Samy insisted on sending a message
home to his Cabinet colleagues.
Samy caught a chicken and showed it to the camera. Next he took a goat, and
showed it to the camera. Finally he took a bag and displayed it in front of
the camera. Dr Ling was the first to see the video clip.. He said,"Samy is telling us that India has insufficient food because he showed us a chicken and a goat, and he wants Malaysia to donate bags of rice. "
Mahathir watched silently then said, "No lah....what Samy is trying to say
is HE IS COMING BACK."
The whole cabinet was puzzled and look to the old man for an explanation. Mahathir reasoned, "AYAM KAMBING BAG." ("I am coming back" in Indian accent).
The Blonde Painter
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she
decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down
to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the
distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds
his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is
wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and
asks her if she is O K.
She replies yes. He asks what she is doing She replies that she
wanted to prove to Him that not all blonde women are dumb and she
wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a
ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said...
(scroll down)... I love this one .....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she
decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down
to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the
distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds
his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is
wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and
asks her if she is O K.
She replies yes. He asks what she is doing She replies that she
wanted to prove to Him that not all blonde women are dumb and she
wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a
ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said...
(scroll down)... I love this one .....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
Monday, March 30, 2009
DADDY SEX TU APE???
Suatu pagi seorang anak yang baru masuk sekolah primary bertanya kepada daddynya,
'Daddy.daddy....sex tu apa, daddy..?'
Terkulat-kulat si ayah. Terfikir dia tentang arus kemodenan zaman sekarang yang membuatkan manusia berfikiran terbuka, termasuklah anak- anak yang masih kecil. Sesuai dengan konsep pendidikan seks yang sedang hangat dibincangkan, mulalah si ayah mencari-cari jawapan yang sesuai dengan harapan anaknya takkan tertinggal dalam arus pendidikan moden.
Maka si ayah pun memberikan jawapan secara mengkiaskan kumbang dan bunga,telur yang yang menetaskan berudu dan seterusnya menjadi katak, hujan serta benih yang mencetuskan tunas, diikuti dengan pembentukan bayi dalam kandungan.
Sebelum mengakhiri jawapannya itu, si ayah menyelitkan pula kisah percintaan antara dia dan mamanya sejak dari zaman sekolah menengah lagi hinggalah kepada kelahiran seorang bayi comel iaitu si anak yang bertanya itu. Tiba-tiba si anak menangis teresak-esak. Si ayah kehairanan.
'Eh kenapa ni?'
Si ayah bertanya kehairanan. Si anak masih juga menangis.
'Jawapan daddy tu panjang sangat, tapi tempat nak tulis jawapan ni pendek. Daddy ajalah yang tulis, waaaaa!!!!' kata si anak lantas menyerahkan buku latihan Bahasa Inggerisnya yang pada muka depan tertulis.... .
NAME : ............ ......... ......... ....
SCHOOL : ............ ......... ......... ...
CLASS : ............ ......... ......... ....
SEX :........... ......... ........ ....
'Daddy.daddy....sex tu apa, daddy..?'
Terkulat-kulat si ayah. Terfikir dia tentang arus kemodenan zaman sekarang yang membuatkan manusia berfikiran terbuka, termasuklah anak- anak yang masih kecil. Sesuai dengan konsep pendidikan seks yang sedang hangat dibincangkan, mulalah si ayah mencari-cari jawapan yang sesuai dengan harapan anaknya takkan tertinggal dalam arus pendidikan moden.
Maka si ayah pun memberikan jawapan secara mengkiaskan kumbang dan bunga,telur yang yang menetaskan berudu dan seterusnya menjadi katak, hujan serta benih yang mencetuskan tunas, diikuti dengan pembentukan bayi dalam kandungan.
Sebelum mengakhiri jawapannya itu, si ayah menyelitkan pula kisah percintaan antara dia dan mamanya sejak dari zaman sekolah menengah lagi hinggalah kepada kelahiran seorang bayi comel iaitu si anak yang bertanya itu. Tiba-tiba si anak menangis teresak-esak. Si ayah kehairanan.
'Eh kenapa ni?'
Si ayah bertanya kehairanan. Si anak masih juga menangis.
'Jawapan daddy tu panjang sangat, tapi tempat nak tulis jawapan ni pendek. Daddy ajalah yang tulis, waaaaa!!!!' kata si anak lantas menyerahkan buku latihan Bahasa Inggerisnya yang pada muka depan tertulis.... .
NAME : ............ ......... ......... ....
SCHOOL : ............ ......... ......... ...
CLASS : ............ ......... ......... ....
SEX :........... ......... ........ ....
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Essay
Ted is 7-yr old n he's very bad with essay writing. One day the
teacher asked the class to write a 500-word essay based on any title they like.
Ted thought real hard and finally he started his essay:
Titled: My lost cat
One day i lost my kitty, i went out to the street and started calling:
"kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty..." but she never comes back, that's how i lost my cat.
(510 words)
teacher asked the class to write a 500-word essay based on any title they like.
Ted thought real hard and finally he started his essay:
Titled: My lost cat
One day i lost my kitty, i went out to the street and started calling:
"kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty..." but she never comes back, that's how i lost my cat.
(510 words)
What is Marketing?
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, 'I am very rich. Marry
me!'
That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a
bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you
says, 'He's very rich. Marry him.'
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, 'Hi, I'm very rich.
Marry me.'
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and
pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops
it, offer her a ride, and then say, 'By the way, I'm
very rich 'Will you marry me?'
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, 'You are very rich, I
want to marry you.'
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, 'I'm rich. Marry me'
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback.
You go up to her and say, 'I am very rich. Marry
me!'
That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a
bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you
says, 'He's very rich. Marry him.'
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, 'Hi, I'm very rich.
Marry me.'
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and
pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops
it, offer her a ride, and then say, 'By the way, I'm
very rich 'Will you marry me?'
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, 'You are very rich, I
want to marry you.'
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, 'I'm rich. Marry me'
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback.
Monday, March 23, 2009
PAY ATTENTION!
What medical student must know
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them,
"In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you must not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
"For an example...," the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,
"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention..!!!"
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them,
"In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you must not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
"For an example...," the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,
"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention..!!!"
Cuba teka kaki sape ni?
Suatu hari di Fakulti Sains sebuah Universiti Tempatan.. sedang berlangsung ujian berkaitan serangga..Ujian kali ini susah susah... Mahasiswa mesti mampu menentukan
jenis dan nama serangga dari potongan-potongan kaki yang diberikan oleh Pensyarah...
Dua jam sudah berlalu. Tidak ada seorangpun pun yang boleh menjawab
soalan ujian.
Seorang mahasiswa yang amat kecewa.. memutuskan untuk keluar dewan Ujian... dia menghempas daun pintu dengan kuat... "Dummmm!!!!"
Melihat keadaan itu... pensyarah didalam dewan marah dengan berkata..
"Hey! suka hati mak bapak hang je hempas pintu tu ye?! Siapa nama kau???!!!"
Mahasiswa yang sudah terlanjur berada di luar segera menhulurkan kakinya ke pintu sambil berkata...
"Nie kaki saya... encik... Cuba encik teka.. siapa nama saya?""
jenis dan nama serangga dari potongan-potongan kaki yang diberikan oleh Pensyarah...
Dua jam sudah berlalu. Tidak ada seorangpun pun yang boleh menjawab
soalan ujian.
Seorang mahasiswa yang amat kecewa.. memutuskan untuk keluar dewan Ujian... dia menghempas daun pintu dengan kuat... "Dummmm!!!!"
Melihat keadaan itu... pensyarah didalam dewan marah dengan berkata..
"Hey! suka hati mak bapak hang je hempas pintu tu ye?! Siapa nama kau???!!!"
Mahasiswa yang sudah terlanjur berada di luar segera menhulurkan kakinya ke pintu sambil berkata...
"Nie kaki saya... encik... Cuba encik teka.. siapa nama saya?""
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Don't take life so seriously!
*************************************************
Dance
Rest
Get Retail Theraphy
Sleep A Little
Kiss A Lot
Relax In Nature
Have Fun
Giggle A Lot
Scream At The Top Of Your Voice
Take A Bubble Bath
AND BE HAPPY!!!
******************************************
p/s: please kiss something else ok.....
Dance
Rest
Get Retail Theraphy
Sleep A Little
Kiss A Lot
Relax In Nature
Have Fun
Giggle A Lot
Scream At The Top Of Your Voice
Take A Bubble Bath
AND BE HAPPY!!!
******************************************
p/s: please kiss something else ok.....
Why English is Important
Why does our Government insist on using English for maths and science?
This is because globally, people use English as the main IT
language at this moment.
How dangerous it is if we were to try using Bahasa for out IT education,
especially in school. See examples below:
*hardware = barangkeras
*software = baranglembut
*joystick = batang gembira
*plug and play = cucuk dan main
*port = lubang
*server = pelayan
*client = pelanggan
Try translating this:
ENGLISH:
"That server gives a plug and play service to the clients using either
hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the
client."
BAHASA:
Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan
menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu
dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan.
*** told ya!***
This is because globally, people use English as the main IT
language at this moment.
How dangerous it is if we were to try using Bahasa for out IT education,
especially in school. See examples below:
*hardware = barangkeras
*software = baranglembut
*joystick = batang gembira
*plug and play = cucuk dan main
*port = lubang
*server = pelayan
*client = pelanggan
Try translating this:
ENGLISH:
"That server gives a plug and play service to the clients using either
hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the
client."
BAHASA:
Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan
menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu
dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan.
*** told ya!***
Birth Test
Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing.
To figure out your birth number, add all the numbers in the birth date together, like the example below, until there is one digit.
A birth number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight.
Example: March 20, 1950
3+20+1950=1973
1+9+7+3 =20
2+0=2
Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. 2 is the birth number in the example. Find our number and then read on.
#1 The Originator
#2 The Peacemaker
#3 The Life Of The Party
#4 The Conservative
#5 The Nonconformist
#6 The Romantic
#7 The Intellectual
#8 The Big Shot
#9 The Performer
#1 - The Originator
1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural.Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them.
Lesson to learn: Other's ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.
Famous 1's are Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynonna Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.
#2 - The Peacemaker
2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship are very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand, they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy, they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment, not put things off.
Famous 2's are President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison,
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
#3 - The Life Of The Party
3's are idealists. They are very creative, social,charming, romantic and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.
Famous 3's are Alan Alda, A nn Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster.
#4 - The Conservative
4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and outine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.
Famous 4's are Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenagger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey.
#5 - The Nonconformist
5's are explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before jumping to conclusions.
Famous 5's are Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gough, Bette Midler, Helen Keller, and Mark Hail.
#6 - The Romantic
6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art and music. They make loyal friends who take their friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they can not.
Famous 6's are Albert Einstein, Jane Seymore, John Denver, Meryle Streep, Christopher Columbus, and Goldie Hawn.
#7 - The Intellectual
7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be
questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is "slow and steady wins the race". They come across as philosophical and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners.They are technically inclined and make great researchers, uncovering information. They love to uncover secrets. They live in their own quiet world and could do a better job of learning what is acceptable in the world at large.
Famous 7's are William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, and Princess Diana.
#8 - The Big Shot
8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgement and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than what others want.
Famous 8's are Edgar Cayce, Barbara Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Aretha Franklin. and Nostradamus.
#9 - The Performer
9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extreme in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.
Famous 9's are Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, and Elvis Presley.
To figure out your birth number, add all the numbers in the birth date together, like the example below, until there is one digit.
A birth number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight.
Example: March 20, 1950
3+20+1950=1973
1+9+7+3 =20
2+0=2
Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. 2 is the birth number in the example. Find our number and then read on.
#1 The Originator
#2 The Peacemaker
#3 The Life Of The Party
#4 The Conservative
#5 The Nonconformist
#6 The Romantic
#7 The Intellectual
#8 The Big Shot
#9 The Performer
#1 - The Originator
1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural.Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them.
Lesson to learn: Other's ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.
Famous 1's are Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynonna Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.
#2 - The Peacemaker
2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship are very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand, they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy, they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment, not put things off.
Famous 2's are President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison,
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
#3 - The Life Of The Party
3's are idealists. They are very creative, social,charming, romantic and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.
Famous 3's are Alan Alda, A nn Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster.
#4 - The Conservative
4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and outine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.
Famous 4's are Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenagger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey.
#5 - The Nonconformist
5's are explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before jumping to conclusions.
Famous 5's are Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gough, Bette Midler, Helen Keller, and Mark Hail.
#6 - The Romantic
6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art and music. They make loyal friends who take their friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they can not.
Famous 6's are Albert Einstein, Jane Seymore, John Denver, Meryle Streep, Christopher Columbus, and Goldie Hawn.
#7 - The Intellectual
7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be
questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is "slow and steady wins the race". They come across as philosophical and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners.They are technically inclined and make great researchers, uncovering information. They love to uncover secrets. They live in their own quiet world and could do a better job of learning what is acceptable in the world at large.
Famous 7's are William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, and Princess Diana.
#8 - The Big Shot
8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgement and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than what others want.
Famous 8's are Edgar Cayce, Barbara Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Aretha Franklin. and Nostradamus.
#9 - The Performer
9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extreme in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.
Famous 9's are Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, and Elvis Presley.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 .
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
* Romance 9.5 and
* Personal Attention 6.5,
and then installed undesirable programs , such as
* NHL 5.0,
* NFL 3.0 and
* Golf Clubs 4.1
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.
* Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.
DEAR DESPERATE ,
First, keep in mind,
* Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
* Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
* If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 .
* Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the FartingAndSnoringLoudlyBeta.
Whatever you do, D0 NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to re - install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will cr ash Husband 1.0 .
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
* Cooking 3.0 and
* Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck Desperate
Tech Support
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 .
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
* Romance 9.5 and
* Personal Attention 6.5,
and then installed undesirable programs , such as
* NHL 5.0,
* NFL 3.0 and
* Golf Clubs 4.1
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.
* Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.
DEAR DESPERATE ,
First, keep in mind,
* Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
* Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
* If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 .
* Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the FartingAndSnoringLoudlyBeta.
Whatever you do, D0 NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to re - install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will cr ash Husband 1.0 .
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
* Cooking 3.0 and
* Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck Desperate
Tech Support
Rider Yang Terlampau
Cube bayangkan kalo mamat neh naik mOtO neh dri KL smpi Perlis…
Dah smpi Perlis….mau tak kengkang mamat tuh jalan…… gile babass!!
Friday, March 13, 2009
The Loyal Wife
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his
money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take
all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to
the afterlife with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he
died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died . . .
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black,
and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony,
just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
'Wait, just a minute!'
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the
casket..
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in
there with your husband.'
The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised
him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.'
'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?'
'I sure did' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my
account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'
money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take
all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to
the afterlife with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he
died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died . . .
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black,
and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony,
just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
'Wait, just a minute!'
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the
casket..
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in
there with your husband.'
The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised
him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.'
'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?'
'I sure did' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my
account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Health - Very Important Tips
Health - Very Important Tips
Answer the phone by LEFT ear .
Do not drink coffee TWICE a day.
Do not take pills with COOL water .
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm .
Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume.
Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night.
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS .
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time.
Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning.
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping.
When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation
is 1000 times.
Answer the phone by LEFT ear .
Do not drink coffee TWICE a day.
Do not take pills with COOL water .
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm .
Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume.
Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night.
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS .
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time.
Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning.
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping.
When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation
is 1000 times.
DRINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH
DRINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH
It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven a its value. We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese med ical society as a 100% cure for the following diseases:
Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases, vomiting, ga str itis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes, constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and men str ual disorders, ear nose and throat diseases.
METHOD OF TREATMENT
1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth , drink 4 x 160ml glasses of water .....interesting
2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45 minutes
3. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.
4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours
5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water at the beginning may commence by taking lit tle water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day.
6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick and others can enjoy a healthy life.
The following list gives the number of days of treatment required to cure/control/ reduce main diseases:
1. High Blood Pressure - 30 days
2. Ga str ic - 10 days
3. Diabetes - 30 days
4. Constipation - 10 days
5. Cancer - 180 days
6. TB - 90 days
7. Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment only for 3 days in the 1st week, and from 2nd week onwards - daily.
This treatment method has no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you may have to urinate a few times.
It is better if we continue this and make this procedure as a routine work in our life.
Drink Water and Stay healthy and Active.
This makes sense .. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals ..not cold water. Maybe it
is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!! Nothing to lose, everything to gain...
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.
It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that
you have just consumed . It will slow down the digestion.
Once this ' sludge ' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A serious note about heart attacks : Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting.
Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.
You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack.
Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.
60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up.
Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let ' s be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive...
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to everyone they know, you can be sure that we ' ll save at least one life.
It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven a its value. We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese med ical society as a 100% cure for the following diseases:
Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases, vomiting, ga str itis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes, constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and men str ual disorders, ear nose and throat diseases.
METHOD OF TREATMENT
1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth , drink 4 x 160ml glasses of water .....interesting
2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45 minutes
3. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.
4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours
5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water at the beginning may commence by taking lit tle water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day.
6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick and others can enjoy a healthy life.
The following list gives the number of days of treatment required to cure/control/ reduce main diseases:
1. High Blood Pressure - 30 days
2. Ga str ic - 10 days
3. Diabetes - 30 days
4. Constipation - 10 days
5. Cancer - 180 days
6. TB - 90 days
7. Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment only for 3 days in the 1st week, and from 2nd week onwards - daily.
This treatment method has no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you may have to urinate a few times.
It is better if we continue this and make this procedure as a routine work in our life.
Drink Water and Stay healthy and Active.
This makes sense .. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals ..not cold water. Maybe it
is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!! Nothing to lose, everything to gain...
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.
It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that
you have just consumed . It will slow down the digestion.
Once this ' sludge ' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A serious note about heart attacks : Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting.
Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.
You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack.
Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.
60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up.
Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let ' s be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive...
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to everyone they know, you can be sure that we ' ll save at least one life.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Where are you now?
Skills,Knowledge,Abilities And Experiences Are Only Useful IF YOU ARE AT THE RIGHT PLACE!
Smooth roads never make good drivers
Smooth sea never makes good sailors
Clear Skies never makes good Pilots
Problem and hassle free Life NEVER makes a strong person
Be Strong enough to accept the challenges of Life
Don't ask Life , 'Why Me ? .
Instead say 'try Me!'
Monday, March 9, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Reduce Cost
Wow..3rd entry in a day...Know why? Coz system is down..so can't do my work.. Just browsing thru my junk mails and thought that I can share something that is interesting..So..there you go..
Moto Hasil Kreativiti Org Kita
Aku maybe buta dalam hal ehwal moto especially bidang baik pulih moto ..tapi aku rasa seperti ada yg tak kena dgn moto nie...Korang comment la sendiri...
School children essays
Please believe that these are the better of the rubbishy essays we get to read through the years ... I presume if teachers don’t get that 1-month holiday, they themselves will be writing like this - good Lord! My sympathy to all teachers out there...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Lampe Berger products for sale
- to improve air quality and to fragrance it
- for air care, purifies the room air by destroying unwanted odors and providing long-lasting fragrance, due to its exclusive diffusion system.
-Eliminating unpleasant smelling molecules (tobacco, cooking, etc.), cleanses the interior air in your home.
Price : RM350 ~ Rm450
Please email me at whatevaudesire@gmail.com if you are interested.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
KNIFE - Rockwell
You touched my life
With your softness in the night
My wish was your command
Until you ran out of love
I tell myself I’m free
Got the chance of livin’ just for me
No need to hurry home
Now that you’re gone
CHORUS:
Knife
Cuts like a knife
How will I ever heal
I’m so deeply wounded
Knife
Cuts like a knife
You cut away the heart of my life
When I pretend
Wear a smile to fool my dearest friends
I wonder if they know
It’s just a show
I’m on a stage
Day and night I go through my charades
But how can I disguise
What’s in my eyes
CHORUS
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh…
I’ve tried and tried
Blocking out the pain I feel inside
The pain of wanting you
Wanting you
Knife
Cuts like a knife
How will I ever heal
I’m so deeply wounded
[2X]
You cut away the heart
Of my life
With your softness in the night
My wish was your command
Until you ran out of love
I tell myself I’m free
Got the chance of livin’ just for me
No need to hurry home
Now that you’re gone
CHORUS:
Knife
Cuts like a knife
How will I ever heal
I’m so deeply wounded
Knife
Cuts like a knife
You cut away the heart of my life
When I pretend
Wear a smile to fool my dearest friends
I wonder if they know
It’s just a show
I’m on a stage
Day and night I go through my charades
But how can I disguise
What’s in my eyes
CHORUS
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh…
I’ve tried and tried
Blocking out the pain I feel inside
The pain of wanting you
Wanting you
Knife
Cuts like a knife
How will I ever heal
I’m so deeply wounded
[2X]
You cut away the heart
Of my life
First Step
Well..i am not really into blogging and honestly back then during my school times.. my essays suck! So, you will see me less writin by my own but i will be posting lots and lots of articles, stories, photos etc etc...after all, sharing is caring..rite? I know..i know..thats not blogging but juz hope by starting that way, i will discover the hidden side of my aptitute... :)
Nway, i am thrilled to know the benefits of joining this tech revolution and hope my participation in the blogshpere world will be success! Pls teach me ways to make it more lively n interesting...
Chow for now...
Nway, i am thrilled to know the benefits of joining this tech revolution and hope my participation in the blogshpere world will be success! Pls teach me ways to make it more lively n interesting...
Chow for now...
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