Comic Of The Day - Tuesday

DADDY SEX TU APE???

Suatu pagi seorang anak yang baru masuk sekolah primary bertanya kepada daddynya,
'Daddy.daddy....sex tu apa, daddy..?'
Terkulat-kulat si ayah. Terfikir dia tentang arus kemodenan zaman sekarang yang membuatkan manusia berfikiran terbuka, termasuklah anak- anak yang masih kecil. Sesuai dengan konsep pendidikan seks yang sedang hangat dibincangkan, mulalah si ayah mencari-cari jawapan yang sesuai dengan harapan anaknya takkan tertinggal dalam arus pendidikan moden.
Maka si ayah pun memberikan jawapan secara mengkiaskan kumbang dan bunga,telur yang yang menetaskan berudu dan seterusnya menjadi katak, hujan serta benih yang mencetuskan tunas, diikuti dengan pembentukan bayi dalam kandungan.
Sebelum mengakhiri jawapannya itu, si ayah menyelitkan pula kisah percintaan antara dia dan mamanya sejak dari zaman sekolah menengah lagi hinggalah kepada kelahiran seorang bayi comel iaitu si anak yang bertanya itu. Tiba-tiba si anak menangis teresak-esak. Si ayah kehairanan.
'Eh kenapa ni?'
Si ayah bertanya kehairanan. Si anak masih juga menangis.
'Jawapan daddy tu panjang sangat, tapi tempat nak tulis jawapan ni pendek. Daddy ajalah yang tulis, waaaaa!!!!' kata si anak lantas menyerahkan buku latihan Bahasa Inggerisnya yang pada muka depan tertulis.... .








NAME : ............ ......... ......... ....
SCHOOL : ............ ......... ......... ...
CLASS : ............ ......... ......... ....
SEX :........... ......... ........ ....

Essay

Ted is 7-yr old n he's very bad with essay writing. One day the
teacher asked the class to write a 500-word essay based on any title they like.
Ted thought real hard and finally he started his essay:



Titled: My lost cat


One day i lost my kitty, i went out to the street and started calling:
"kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty..." but she never comes back, that's how i lost my cat.
(510 words)

Comic Of The Day - Monday

What is Marketing?

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, 'I am very rich. Marry
me!'
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a
bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you
says, 'He's very rich. Marry him.'
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, 'Hi, I'm very rich.
Marry me.'
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and
pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops
it, offer her a ride, and then say, 'By the way, I'm
very rich 'Will you marry me?'
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, 'You are very rich, I
want to marry you.'
That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, 'I'm rich. Marry me'
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback.

Anuar Zain's #1 Fan

She's soooooo cute, soooo adorable ....

PAY ATTENTION!

What medical student must know

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them,

"In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you must not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

"For an example...," the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,

"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention..!!!"

Cuba teka kaki sape ni?

Suatu hari di Fakulti Sains sebuah Universiti Tempatan.. sedang berlangsung ujian berkaitan serangga..Ujian kali ini susah susah... Mahasiswa mesti mampu menentukan
jenis dan nama serangga dari potongan-potongan kaki yang diberikan oleh Pensyarah...

Dua jam sudah berlalu. Tidak ada seorangpun pun yang boleh menjawab
soalan ujian.

Seorang mahasiswa yang amat kecewa.. memutuskan untuk keluar dewan Ujian... dia menghempas daun pintu dengan kuat... "Dummmm!!!!"

Melihat keadaan itu... pensyarah didalam dewan marah dengan berkata..

"Hey! suka hati mak bapak hang je hempas pintu tu ye?! Siapa nama kau???!!!"

Mahasiswa yang sudah terlanjur berada di luar segera menhulurkan kakinya ke pintu sambil berkata...

"Nie kaki saya... encik... Cuba encik teka.. siapa nama saya?""

Don't take life so seriously!

*************************************************

Dance


Rest


Get Retail Theraphy


Sleep A Little


Kiss A Lot


Relax In Nature


Have Fun


Giggle A Lot


Scream At The Top Of Your Voice


Take A Bubble Bath


AND BE HAPPY!!!



******************************************

p/s: please kiss something else ok.....

Why English is Important

Why does our Government insist on using English for maths and science?
This is because globally, people use English as the main IT
language at this moment.

How dangerous it is if we were to try using Bahasa for out IT education,
especially in school. See examples below:

*hardware = barangkeras
*software = baranglembut
*joystick = batang gembira
*plug and play = cucuk dan main
*port = lubang
*server = pelayan
*client = pelanggan

Try translating this:

ENGLISH:
"That server gives a plug and play service to the clients using either
hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the
client."


BAHASA:
Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan
menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu
dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan.



*** told ya!***

Quick way to fold clothes

Kalaulah boleh lipat kain sesenang nie...

Birth Test

Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing.

To figure out your birth number, add all the numbers in the birth date together, like the example below, until there is one digit.

A birth number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight.

Example: March 20, 1950
3+20+1950=1973
1+9+7+3 =20
2+0=2

Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. 2 is the birth number in the example. Find our number and then read on.

#1 The Originator
#2 The Peacemaker
#3 The Life Of The Party
#4 The Conservative
#5 The Nonconformist
#6 The Romantic
#7 The Intellectual
#8 The Big Shot
#9 The Performer

#1 - The Originator
1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural.Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them.
Lesson to learn: Other's ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.

Famous 1's are Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynonna Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.

#2 - The Peacemaker
2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship are very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand, they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy, they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment, not put things off.

Famous 2's are President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison,
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

#3 - The Life Of The Party
3's are idealists. They are very creative, social,charming, romantic and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.

Famous 3's are Alan Alda, A nn Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster.

#4 - The Conservative
4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and outine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.

Famous 4's are Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenagger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey.

#5 - The Nonconformist
5's are explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before jumping to conclusions.

Famous 5's are Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gough, Bette Midler, Helen Keller, and Mark Hail.

#6 - The Romantic
6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art and music. They make loyal friends who take their friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they can not.

Famous 6's are Albert Einstein, Jane Seymore, John Denver, Meryle Streep, Christopher Columbus, and Goldie Hawn.

#7 - The Intellectual
7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be
questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is "slow and steady wins the race". They come across as philosophical and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners.They are technically inclined and make great researchers, uncovering information. They love to uncover secrets. They live in their own quiet world and could do a better job of learning what is acceptable in the world at large.

Famous 7's are William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, and Princess Diana.

#8 - The Big Shot
8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgement and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than what others want.

Famous 8's are Edgar Cayce, Barbara Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Aretha Franklin. and Nostradamus.

#9 - The Performer
9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extreme in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.

Famous 9's are Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, and Elvis Presley.

Quote Of The Day

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 .

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
* Romance 9.5 and
* Personal Attention 6.5,

and then installed undesirable programs , such as

* NHL 5.0,
* NFL 3.0 and
* Golf Clubs 4.1

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.

* Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE ,

First, keep in mind,
* Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
* Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
* If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 .
* Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the FartingAndSnoringLoudlyBeta.

Whatever you do, D0 NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to re - install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will cr ash Husband 1.0 .

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
* Cooking 3.0 and
* Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Desperate

Tech Support

Rider Yang Terlampau

Cube bayangkan kalo mamat neh naik mOtO neh dri KL smpi Perlis…

Dah smpi Perlis….mau tak kengkang mamat tuh jalan…… gile babass!!

The Loyal Wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his
money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take
all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to
the afterlife with me.'

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he
died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died . . .
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black,
and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony,
just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
'Wait, just a minute!'

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the
casket..

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in
there with your husband.'

The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised
him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.'

'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?'

'I sure did' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my
account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'

Kantoi dengan mak

Health - Very Important Tips

Health - Very Important Tips

Answer the phone by LEFT ear .

Do not drink coffee TWICE a day.

Do not take pills with COOL water .

Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm .

Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume.

Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night.

Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS .

Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time.

Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning.

Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping.

When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation
is 1000 times.

DRINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH

DRINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH

It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven a its value. We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese med ical society as a 100% cure for the following diseases:

Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases, vomiting, ga str itis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes, constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and men str ual disorders, ear nose and throat diseases.

METHOD OF TREATMENT

1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth , drink 4 x 160ml glasses of water .....interesting

2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45 minutes

3. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.

4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours

5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water at the beginning may commence by taking lit tle water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day.

6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick and others can enjoy a healthy life.

The following list gives the number of days of treatment required to cure/control/ reduce main diseases:

1. High Blood Pressure - 30 days

2. Ga str ic - 10 days

3. Diabetes - 30 days

4. Constipation - 10 days

5. Cancer - 180 days

6. TB - 90 days

7. Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment only for 3 days in the 1st week, and from 2nd week onwards - daily.

This treatment method has no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you may have to urinate a few times.

It is better if we continue this and make this procedure as a routine work in our life.

Drink Water and Stay healthy and Active.

This makes sense .. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals ..not cold water. Maybe it
is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!! Nothing to lose, everything to gain...

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.

It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that
you have just consumed . It will slow down the digestion.

Once this ' sludge ' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.


A serious note about heart attacks : Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting.

Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.

You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack.

Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.

60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up.

Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let ' s be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive...
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to everyone they know, you can be sure that we ' ll save at least one life.

Where are you now?

Skills,Knowledge,Abilities And Experiences Are Only Useful IF YOU ARE AT THE RIGHT PLACE!

Smooth roads never make good drivers
Smooth sea never makes good sailors
Clear Skies never makes good Pilots

Problem and hassle free Life NEVER makes a strong person
Be Strong enough to accept the challenges of Life
Don't ask Life , 'Why Me ? .
Instead say 'try Me!'

Am just missing someone

MySpace Comments & MySpace Layouts

Gorila

Reduce Cost

Wow..3rd entry in a day...Know why? Coz system is down..so can't do my work.. Just browsing thru my junk mails and thought that I can share something that is interesting..So..there you go..

Moto Hasil Kreativiti Org Kita

Aku maybe buta dalam hal ehwal moto especially bidang baik pulih moto ..tapi aku rasa seperti ada yg tak kena dgn moto nie...Korang comment la sendiri...

School children essays

Please believe that these are the better of the rubbishy essays we get to read through the years ... I presume if teachers don’t get that 1-month holiday, they themselves will be writing like this - good Lord! My sympathy to all teachers out there...